Annoying Pain

My left ear is hurting so badling till I can feel crampness on my jaws. Now I can't even open my mouth as wide as possible and I couldn't sleep on it. Imagine sleeping without turning; which is so frustrating and without a good sleep everyone will get moody =.= I guess it's some swollen pimples that grow inside or maybe some kinda infection, hope it'll cure soon or I'll be a deaf person, then I'll live a very dreadful life and when everyone gave up on me.. I'll be left rotten in the dark corner of the street. Well being deaf aint that bad but still it's annoying.

So despite not sleeping well, I was thinking if one day when I turn blind and deaf will there be anyone who's willing to accept me as a life partner? Well, to think that when you are partially handicaped is enough of annoyance to yourself and it's better that you don't even try to make others life more difficult. For me, if I am to get into such a situation, I would stay anonymous and stay away from the one I love so that my existance will not somehow annoy or make her feel troublesome. To love someone is to hope for everything the best she could have and try not to ruin others life. Not to worry, I cud still survive by selling my paintings and auctions them on E-bay and I might be rich and famous...

Well sometimes there's just no way for you to be selfish. When you think of not annoying people and shut everything to yourself, it might still be unfair to those who love you since they really care for you...

So what will you do if you're in my case ?