I USED TO BE PAMPERED TOO

I'm afraid of failing exams. I'm afraid of losing someone in a relationship. But all this couldnt match the fear of having family problems. I have to admit that in my life, family always go first. Pampered brats love their family coz they couldnt afford to lose the feeling of being pampered, loved and secured.

I'm once a very pampered brat. Having asthma since four years old, I brought lotsa trouble to my parents. Almost every week I'll need to visit the clinics. I had an angel who took care of me soooo much. Still remembered when my angel woke me up at night just to feed me bird nest for my asthma, I'll throw tantrum everytime and mommy will tell bed time stories till I fell asleep. My mom would always tell me that she's the one who love me the most in the world. Since very young, every night she would ask 'Who love you the most question' until I'm so sick and embarrased about it.

Having goodnight kiss everyday was just annoying that time. Milo time before sleep was compulsory because I was weak. When I grew older, I started to grow stronger, enrolling in Taekwondo and swimming. My mom was so proud of me back then. She just never fail to tell everyone how much she loved me until the extend of announcing to relatives that she even kissed my foot.. and yes I'm serious about it! And when she tell me that she loved me forever, I never doubt it before coz she's not saying just for the sake of temporary romance like most male-female relationship.

How pampered could it be having someone who care for you in everything till the extend of kissing your foot? My mommy will do everything for me. She did a great job maintaining the family, controling my dad's unpredictable behaviour and also a career woman. One day, mommy and daddy pick me up from school, telling this news about her sickness. Things started to change and I know I couldnt be too pampered anymore. Years passed and I learned to take care of myself and be independant so that my mom would still be proud of me. I learned to do simple stuff which a brat never need to do (I've maid since young before mommy left). My dad sucks at managing the family although he tried his best.

Losing the angel of your life, there's no one telling you how much you're loved, how much you're cared and how important you are. I lost the feeling of being pampered at 14. My dad tried to do a great parenting job altough he really sucks at it. He don't remember my tuition fees, don't remember birthdays, don't do laundry for us and everything. Still, there's this night, when I was having food poisoning and vomiting (I alwiz had food poisoning due to unhealthy eating behavior), my dad asked me to sleep with him. Even if he couldnt help on anything and I might still need to clean the mess, I manage to get back the feeling of being cared and pampered once again. From there I know, I will always try to cherish my dad.

Years passed and my dad get married again. Somehow we're having problems with my dad's wife. Arguements start to happen and still we try, very hard, to tolerate with her but failed. I've no idea how I could handle being a part of this family if things go wrong continuously. Just because I love my dad I still hold on trying not to let things get worst. And it affected my mood today, past weeks, past months... still hoping for a bright tomorrow.

Everyone has his own problem. Now all I need is a big warm hug and someone telling me that I'm being loved so much, motivate me spiritually.. tough chance, since I had lost my angel. Getting an angel through relationship ? Nah... I'm just too tired to think of it anymore....