Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The heart is still the same

Many months ago I told myself to learn to let go but until now it's still difficult. Just now I saw the displayed msn nick of my ex-lover on finding some particular song. Without hesitation my finger goes clicking on web browser and spent sometime searching for it voluntary and as usual will always end up with the wrong song for her. The point is, I'm still stupidly trying to fulfill her request for the sake of making her happy ? Or craving for her acknowledgement ?

It's sooooooo wrong... if love has an expiry date ~


Saturday, January 13, 2007

I'm a brat.. a dumbass brat ~

I never realized how much I missed you, until I see you in my dreams........

There are two women who'd always appeared in my dreams. One of them is my mommy. Perhaps this was because I'd been sleeping on a bed where I'd been produced and the past memories keep haunting me. Yup, the bed I'm sleeping now is more than 23 years old :D Somehow it's funny to think about it...

Talking about mommy, every relatives knew about how much a brat I'm without me having the slightest memory of what had happened. Everyone would say that I'm such a lovely kid but such an evil brat when come with dealing with mommy. Perhaps I'm too spoiled. Just like today, meeting my niece and nephew my aunt just told me that I'm very obedient compare to them but way bratty compare to them when it comes with dealing with my mommy. Cases that I'd never managed to recall were like :
  • I stayed with my aunt who baby-sited me when I was less than 5 years old. At very young I'd knew how to look at clock and everytime my mommy come and visit me, I'd proposely locked up the door and say, "COME SO LATE MIGHT AS WELL DONT COME !". Then she would hug me and I'd split saliva on my palms and rubbed it on her !
  • There's onced I'd cause chinese new year balik kampung journey extended from 7 hrs (those days dont have highways) to 12 hrs due to my disobedient until mommy decided not to bring me back to penang for one year..

All the stories were told by my relatives. Perhaps I'm such a brat after all. Another women that appeared in my dreams is my ex-lover. Somehow its getting more and more frequent these days. Yesterday I had another funny one, where I tried to ignore her existance in my dream until she got mad.

People say dreams are related to one's attitude. Maybe I was dealing with it badly. I'm such a dumbass in attitude sometimes. Dumbass in the sense of doing things that shouldnt been done and said stuff that shouldnt been said. Not everyone could stand with my bratty attitude as much as my mommy and perhaps my ex-lover left me because of my crappy attitude and actions =p

Being a dumbass brat is my trademark :D