Mr. Nut Case

When I fall in love ..
It will be forever ..
Or I'll never fall ..
In love ..

It has been 7 months since it happened and I am still unable to handle it like a man.

I'm such a nutcase coz I never try hard enough to make her stay back then..
I'm such a nutcase coz after so long I still couldnt look at the bright side and move on..
I'm such a nutcase coz I knew what is best for us but couldnt deal with it..
I'm such a nutcase for being over emotional with all this kinda crap..

Perhaps she used to like me coz I'm such a nutcase..

Oh well, sometimes it's easier to say that when you find someone new you'd totally forget bout her. It's impossible to find someone new if you can't even step out of it.

How many years ahead do I have? Anyone wanna bet on how long will I be a nutcase?

p/s: I might be going China again this coming holiday. If that's the case I'll tell everyone bout it so that all of you wont miss me :)

Life is like eating Pan Mee

In few hours time I will be having my first paper and somehow I had this bad feeling that I'm going to screw up. Even though I knew the outcome is going to be terrible, I'm so effortless it fixing it. Sometimes it's the guilt of not trying hard enough. Or maybe it's more towards obtaining the level of sattisfaction that you always wanted, like knowing that you're sattisfied with the revision you've done.

Eating pan mee this afternoon made me had such kind of thoughts. As usual I will tell the aunty working there 'As Usual!', which are large dried pan mee and a cup of ice tea. Somehow there's this dilemma of ordering food that you enjoyed. If you ordered large, the portion might be too much for you but if you ordered normal, you'd feel like its not enough. And the bad thing is there is no choice of ordering something in between, unless you ordered large and never finished it, which is kinda waste.

Life is like eating Pan Mee. There's no easy way to fulfill one's sattisfaction ..

And somehow I read someone's blog stating cleary that I am GAY. Maybe it's true and perhaps this might be the reason she left me for good, thinking that I would suit better in the gay community (lamer's way of self-convincing after being dumped ;p)

Better get some sleep.. and cross-finger that if I screw up my paper, I'm going to screw it together with Ah Mun :D

Woof Woof !

Before I start, lemme introduce my imaginary dog to everyone first... woof woof

Anyway, after much self reflection through MSN conference and mamak conference with friends, I'm going to write about my crushes:

1. She's still single rite now ... probably

2. She's still single rite now ... probably

Heck I only have two crushes in my life huh ? Not to mention of those crappy childhood crushes which were kinda hillarious. One would be my grandma when I was around 3-4 yrs old but later on I was complaining that she was too old to marry me. Then would be my cousin sister coz during that time she's the only girl around my age that I knew. Later around 5 years old, is my aunt coz I always thought that she's capable of taking care of me :D

Anyway here are some questions that I prepared for myself regarding on the crushes that I had..

If you're given a chance to be with your crushes right now, what will you feel?

This is hard. The people you used to like might not be the one you like right now. Anyway guess I'll give it a try ...

If you're invited to your crushes wedding, what will you feel?

Of course I will be happy for them as I learnt from someone that love are meant to be shared, but I have this feeling that I will not be invited to their weddings..

Does your crushes affect your future relationship?

Yes .. everyone will learn something through events that had happened. I'm having problem falling for skinny girls as well .. most probably will find someone with such figure .. anyway love is blind

If your crushes are now FAT and UGLY , they like you, will you accept them?

Guys are typical MCP and bringing fugly partner out will ruin their ego, just like how girls condemn short guys. But then if that's the case, I will firstly laugh out loud and roll in the floor as I can't imagine her being 'FAT'.. Anyway women always have their own way on getting what they want. It's not that you will or will not accept them, its about what they want you to be ...

Why at the first place you had a thing on your crushes?

Typical reasons, they are both hot ! But then the second one seems to be a little different .. long story..

For both crushes, who do you like more ?

Obviously her :p

And final exams are less than a week .. I need to study like a nerd to ensure that I could graduate early .. No more nonsense.. woof woof

Mystical Tarots

Few days ago my friend help me to do some Tarot readings and I find it rather amusing. Sometimes such thing is about how well you relate it in your life and if you feel like believing it, subconciously you will find something in your life to relate with the readings and think 'OH THATS SOOOO TRUE' Might be a little coincidence, might be a little one-sided, it's depending on how your mind wants it to be. Anyhow, here is my Tarot reading on relationship.. a little truth and a little fake.. oh well..

1st card: Present state
Now you're in a very calm state and everything seems to be stable and neutral to you.
A little of truth as I'm not having any relationship nowadays but I doubt I'm that calm. Inner me still have those feelings that somehow manage to bring nightmare when I sleep.

2nd card: Your partner
He/she is in a deep dillema that is hard to solve.
And who is that 'he/she' reffered to ?

3rd card: Current relationship
Both of you need more courage to deal with the problem.
Yeah I knew that I'm lack of courage when it comes to this kind of stuff. Maybe it's a hint for me to be wiser next time.

4th card: Future relationship
You will have a happy ending if you successfully obtained him/her while he/she is having other relationship.
Heck this is sooooooooo screw-up ! I don't think I'm 'man' enough to be the third party.

I'm hoping to ask about how to deal with my programming from Tarots, or maybe my future career but the handbook only provide little information on relationship and general life reading. Well, I'm writing all these nonsense because I couldn't sleep again. When I sleep less, the next day will follow with insomnia and would get worst later on. My aunt was around the town so spent alot of chatting with her. She was asking me to go China to learn about her traits in her business this coming holidays. Better spend time polishing on my mandarin and make more money than trying my luck on getting a gf, though sometimes it felt isolated when you are hanging with a bunch of friends and everyone is bringing along their partner while you're all alone.. and the Tarots never helps much anyway